Sem 2 break

So, currently I'm on holiday. holiday is actually quite boring, all i can do is sleep, eat and watch movie. My only plan in sem break is to rest and get ready for sem 3. when i look at sem 3 syallabus, oh gosh! all the subjects r so tough. i think i will be half dying in sem 3 before it start. My plan for sem 3 is to extend my revision time. Instead of 2 months revision, i plan to extend until 3 months.

After yw finish her EOS, we are going to Penang with 4 other friends. i am really excited abt it caus this is the second time we go travel together. We plan to eat a lot of famous penang food.haha, i think i need to have 2 stomachs to fill in all the food. Beside feeling happy, actually I feel a bit nervous about this trip. First, they are going to Penang escape park and I admit that I am afraid of height. So, i need to be steady and conquer the height. Second, they plan to ride bicycles to visit the wall painting and I donno how to ride. So, i think i will be walking for the whole journey.

overall sem 2 is quite ok. everything go smoothly in sem 2. No friendships problem thoughout the semester. In this semester, i learn that nothing is going to stop me from focusing in my study including friendships prob.

RISING

Walking in the shadow of fear
Drowning endlessly by failures
Running along side of self-discovery
Fearing the loss of self-recovery
Parts of the mind going unknown
Dangerous sides going insane
One day I will eventually die
So today make everything right.

I will rise after every fall
i will rise and stand even more tall

Like the sun which never dies
Though sets at night, it does rise everyday

Like the ocean whose tides
Though drown, but invariably they arise

After failing once,
Twice and Thrice
Again and Again

i will rise after every fall
After every fall, I will rise.

Angel Vs Devil

today i had a great day with j. Although the activity was very boring but then this was the first time we both we had outing. There was a delay of the bus when we wanted to return back to imu and j said she cannot wait until the delay time cause she will be late to dinner. Together, both of us and another friends sit taxi back to uni. i accompanied her in uni until her mum came and fetch her.  you must be asking why i need to accompanied her back to j although i am not rushing of time. The answer is i think as a friend, i should not leave her alone if i have the time to accompany her. Just like last time, i accompany y back to her vista in late of night. 

however, when a friendship started to fade, you will be asking why i need to spend so much time in friendship if i know it will soon end. it was such a waste of time to spend time to a people you know that will leaving soon. My answer is I don't know. sometimes you just don't know you need to care just like your angel fighting with your devil side.

Angel Vs Devil

My devil whispers, 

Into my ear,

'Let the hatred consume you'

'Ignite the fire in your heart'

My devil smiles warmly,

Her face so soft and kind

Telling me to learn to immerse myself

Into the cruelty of human kind.

My angel says

'Don't listen to her'

'The path she holds'

'Is full of sin'

My angel smiles softly with caring

She holds her arms out wide, 

Telling me it always okay to be wrong

You just need to be the best of yourselves.

Should i chose the devil,

And be warmed by her flame?

Should i choose the angel,

And feel the light again?

The angel and the devil,

Which one do i choose

The darkness or the light,

what would you decide to do?

"when memory never fade, the past can poison the present"

FLASHBACK

so, maybe too much coffee will causes a person brain to have illusion especially when you are daydreaming in a very boring class. After having second cups of coffee, my mind start to create scenes although my eyes are still focusing on d lecture slides. i see myself sitting and she is giving her first presentation. She is so nervous and keep on looking at me and i try to use my eyes to convince her that she actually do a great job. After that, the scene change, we both sit beside each other in different classroom, 1.08, 1.09, 1.03A and basement, she smile to me while sitting beside me. Then, the scene change to uni canteen and she is eating in front of me. Those are good memories in the past. unfortunately, the scene change to a total opposite way when it change to the day she say she want to join those smart one while doing math assignment, the day we argue about the submission of bio assignment, the day she reject the outing, the day she ignore me totally, the day we sort of like arguing in the phone and finally the day we go on in two separate ways. In the end, i lie down on the table.

The Angel's Weep

i remember the time not long ago

when we laughed and shared it all

We were the friends

or at least that's what i thought

i often wonder why friendships end

what happens to sever the tie

how can someone once so close

just wave you off with a goodbye

i must have been lacking

i must have been wrong

i was't the friend to you

that you were to me all along.

i thought i was loyal

i know i was true

but something went wrong

Now's there is nothing left to say

A friendship lost 

is a very sad thing

The angels weep instead of sing.

EXPRESSION

Yesterday, when everyone was talking about the due date for ipp assigment.....i remembered when i checked the module guide , it stated the due date is at 12 april 2015 ..tat means it was due this sunday....this is the reason why i sort of rushing to meet the deadline.....when we are all discusing abt the deadline, she finally spoke up and said the actual due date is on 30 april 2015 and not 14 april 2015 to another course mates just sitting next to me with a loud sound but polite way...ok, well, i can hear it caus i am not a deaf....then i feel surprise for the sudden change of due date caus i din realize it...so , to double comfirm, i turn my head and ask her," are you comfirm is at 30 april 2015?"...she reply me" yalar, u din check the elearn just down there in the grouping list!!" wth a very frautrated face....ok, dude, fst i just wan to comfirm the due date only!!!! I am not picking a fight with you, don show me that stupid face....u are a sort of class rep, don treat your coursemate so unfairly( u always unfair, so NVM).....

The second incidence during lab.....when we are doing calculation..ok, damn it, i know u r smart..u know almost everything...and i admit, i use senior reference caus i really donno how to do...when me and my friend sort of like discussing the method of doing calculation...i know u know to do and finish it earlier...and i know u actually know the senior calculation is not the answer for the practical( ok, who donno it when we are copying, that y we are discusing the calculation, if the calculation is correct, nobody is discusing abt it)...u just keep on repeat to yr friends, " don follow senior d calculation because the senior the calculation not same as us" for like almost 5 times in front of me wth yr friends.....i mean like, ok, can u stop saying?..i know i am stupid, but then no need to like repeating my stupidity in front of yr friend!!

U ARE SMART!!BUT THEN ATTITUDE SUCKS....OVERALL, ATTITUDE STILL MATTER!!

Nightmares 2

These few nights, i cannot slept well in the night...kept on having nightmares 3 nights in straight....what had happen to me?...am i thinking too much about something i should't worry about it.....my nightmares have the same contents ..betray and abandon by friends...hope that these kind of nightmare can eventually stop..i guess i am just too sensitive about it.....

The grouping list for IPP had been released..i am in the same group with her again!!! Oh gosh, imu, can u just stop treating me like that....this time is assigment!!!...i have phobia of doing assigment with her..last year, we had a argument in bio assigment...without stopped by S, i think i will just directly called her and scolded her non stop...the situation was when i asked her to send the soft copy to the lecturer in class, she said okay and pls reminded her at night as she scared she will forgot about it...the due date for the submitting of soft copy is at 12 midnight....at about 9pm, i whatapps her and she din replied for almost 2 hrs...feeling frautrated, i decided to send the copy to the lecturer by myself to prevent we overpassed the deadline ...at about 1030pm, she just screenshot to me a picture  that proved that she already sent....feeling angry that she din even explain what going on, i just type "can you pls always open yr whatapps frequently !!!"...n she just replied those craps  that make you feel like it is my own fault...the next morning, when she reach uni, she say she was angry last night...i am like WHAT THE HELL r u angrying??...i am the one who have the every right to angry in this matter.....so, how am i going to do assigment with her these time?..i have no interested to do assigment with her...do i need to pretend all time?...ya, i should pretend like i actually like to do assigment with her to prevent any conflictions this time.....sad life

LIFE IS FULL OF PRETENDING WITH A SMILLING MASK !!😧

Angel

Angel falling from heaven straight into my house...yesterday, my family and i brought back a labrador retriver from dog shelter....she is cute and with golden colour fur....she is huge in size too..whenever i touch her, she will knock me to the ground using her fat body....after long time of consideration, we finally name her as angel....magic, the poodle, likes her very much too..haha..maybe he is excited for having a girlfriend which is so beautiful....Angel is magic protector too..whenever we slap magic for being naughty and bully Angel, she block us and prevent us to slap magic...Magic smile all time when he saw Angel running around in the house and he eventually run with her too...both of them stick together like glue all the time....we all love both of them very much and

WELCOME HOME, ANGEL!!!😍😍😍

MASK

I was once sad and lonely

Having nobody to comfort me

so, i wore a mask that always smiled

to hide my feelings behind a lie.

Nobody could hear my cries at night

For i designed my mask to hide the lies

Nobody cound see the pain i was feeling

For i designed my mask to be laughing.

Behind all the smiles were the tears

And behind all the comfort were the fears.

Everything ypu think you see,

wasn't everything there was to me.

Day by day

i was slowly dying.

i couldn't go on,

There was something missing.

Until now i am still searchinh

For the thing that i will stop my crying

For someone who i will erase my fears

For the person who will wipe my tears

But till then i will keep on smilling

Hiding behind this mask i am wearing

Hoping one day i can smile

Till then, i will be here..Waiting.

KINDNESS

I believe the random act of kindness is a selfless attitude toward other people that is either stranger or close friend by sacrifising yourself...however, it is so hard to be kind to a person that you only know for like less than a month....but this person can really did it by sacrifising herself to other people...so, the story start with when our class rep post a fb post about mpu hour in the fb group...to claim the mpu hour, we need to fight the limited places for sub community...the upper the blank position you wrote your name, the higher chance you will get the position...in public relation position, they need min of 50 people...when she wrote her name she was positioned at 51 which i felt that it was not a total secured position to become sub con...after that, when i was looking at the list, i suddenly found out that position 35 was blank maybe because the person who wrote it just gave up the position already..so, i immediately whatapps her and told her this...i was expecting some "yeah, pls write my name in that blank"....but i was totally wrong...she replied me" pls put XX name in that position because she is at the back of me"..i felt shock that time!!! If she is positioned at 35, she will definitely get to become sub con..but she gave it to other people that is located behind her.....seriously like her attitude very much...really good to have her to become a friend...

Be kind to other because the truest greatness lies in being KIND!!!☺

NIGHTMARE

this morning, i woke up with a nightmare...i dreamed that i was still in the group..suffering in their ignorance...i saw her, standing in front of me and look at me liked i was a stranger...after that, she just walked away, left me in the same position....her eyes told me that please don't come near me, i do not know you at all and her attitude was i do not friends with people that was moderate in acedemic ....i was so suffer and i even screamed in the dream....after that, i opened my eyes and woke up......staring at the celling ,knowing that i was not in that group anymore and that was just a dream really comfort me a lot...this nightmare let me understand that i had made the correct choice to leave the group and  find new friends....if i am still in that group, who knows what will happen to me in future...maybe one day i will just collapse as i cannot endure them anymore...Right choice had been made in the end!!

NEW FRIENDS!!

So, i am actually a wierd type of person that does not like selfie at all..but then when i am surrounded by these 8 friends...oo...the selfie word is like in everywhere...before lab practical session..all people are like, hey , we do not have a lab coat selfie...so this wat causes all the photo in below

let me introduce all of them

1. Winnie, the big boss

2. Shu chien , the beauty

3. Julie, the most active

4.  Hui Qing, the Ave Maria

5. Andrea, the Andrew

6. Gurpreet, the Garfield

7. Hui En, the kind-hearted

8. Jo Thien, the sweetest

9. Me, the bully!!!..haha

AGAIN??

after i left the group, everyone is like keep on asking me the same question which is why do you leave the group? ..i answer is just...oo, they are not the type of close friends i want to be with but then they are all good and very hardworking people, so i guess that is my own personal problem and is not their problem at all...i answer that question is like almost 50 times...i thought that as time pass, all people will forget the thing and eventually stop asking the same question as i don't feel like answer to at all...however after like almost 1 month had passed, when i went and brought food from a aunty hawker during lunch time today, she asked me" where is your tall friend?"...suddenly, i felt really pissed off with that question..n i just answered' oo, we broke already"with a smiling and polite way and i actually introduced her my new friends and say " see, these are all my new friends"....the aunty just said, "how do you both end up like this, last time when i saw you and her, you both are actually very good friend"...suddenly, i just silent for a few second...ya, that is also the same question i am thinking for the past 2 weeks....and my only answer is " TIME CAN CHANGE A RELATIONSHIP"...after that, the aunty smile back to me and say " yes, this is true"....

" THINGS CHANGE. AND FRIENDS LEAVE. BUT LIFE DOESN'T STOP FOR ANYBODY....JUST MOVE ON"

APRIL FOOL!!

Today I have class at 1030am but my phone keep ringing for like 20 times at about 8am..how I wish I can throw my phone toward the wall and just crash it..I awake at almost 9am...n there is a lot of miss call from my yw.... then I call back using whatapps and donna what the hell had happen to my internet, it juz won't allow me to call....n then my dear yw keeop sending me ...gosh, can U pls pick up d phone....I m like hey, not my fault... feeling frustrated, I call yw using my phone... she said she was coming to IMU to meet me...n then when she heard my angry voice( I THINK IT ACTUALLY FRIGHTENED HER)... she say it was just an April fool.... well, dear yw, U fail this time...heheheheh...I still remember U trick me during high school... now U had failed...wahahahhaah...huo Kai!!!!..... but after all...I still love U very much la., my yw...hahahhaha....Happy April Fool to everyone.... hope I can tricks someone today...hahahah

STUPID?

New day new start with new way....but end up i felt myself become a very stupid person...today when i met her, she started talking about her personal feeling about my another friend and then i am like okay, well, i should also start become more concern about her personal thing...whatapps her and asked her things and the replying was just too cold...I am like okay, FINE!!, what am i doing those kind of stupid thing again to her ?..it is just a waste of time...NO WORRIES, i will not do it for the second times.....ya, maybe she felt that i was bothering her with whatapps message.....ya, maybe she was too lazy replying nonsense and boring whatapps message....oo, well,


I JUST WANT TO SAY I AM SO SORRY FOR BOTHERING OR INTERRUPTING YOU...
U FEEL FRUSTRATED ?...CAUS I AM FEELING THAT WAY TOO...
U FEEL IS SUCH A WASTE OF TIME?...CAUSE I AM ALSO FEELING THAT WAY TOO
DO YOU KNOW WHY I ASK  YOU IN WHATAPPS?...CAUS I DON WAN TO LET OTHER PEOPLE KNOW I AM ACTUALLY PICKING A FIGHT WITH YOU..THAT IS A PROVE THAT I AM INNOCENCE IN CASE SOMETHING HAPPEN
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPEN BETWEEN US?...THERE IS NOTHING IN BETWEEN EXCEPT HATRES...
THE WORLD IS ROUND....BUT
PLS BE CLEAR THAT I AM NOT SURROUND YOU ANYMORE...

INVITE

last time, she invited my group out and this time we actually invite her out....but then maybe wrong timing caus all of the girls are busy with their own things...so, they just turn down our invitation....shockingly, it end up 4 of us ate with those boys..the situation is quite awkward as very little people are actually talking....2 groups in the same table...but it end up with a quite good way..so, i guess, 2 groups have make their first move with a little success this time...i actually go and talk to her today and even whatapps her and ask her something....it end up with a very cold conversation as i dunno how to continue the conversation....she actually smile and talk to my group...i guess we are making a good move on now....n btw, i change her name in my phone contact...although is actually the same person but then i feel that they are totally different now...i even call her by using her new name..n she reply me .....i feel quite comfortable to call her the new name...when i call the name i usually used, it actually bring back memories...yupe, so in conclusion, i guess things are better in the new way....let just start with a new way now...!!!!

CLEAR

To you,
so, after all, i have a lot of negative comments about my friends outing with her friends. Well, i know it from the start that it will never end so well .....i know you had been trying hard to bring our class unite and i am so appreciate the things that you had done..really thank you for being trying although it never end up so perfectly....i am wondering, when i want to be the same group with you during foundation, it never been in a group..but when i want to be away from you, we will surely be in the same group...we in the same group in mentor mentee system...guess what, you spoke to me for the first time in last week...i m like OMG...but then i did not response much as you talked about her personal thing...srry, i guess i am not like last year anymore..the one who always care about yr everything including personal life....the reason is because i hold on to the hate you made....the one that abandon me and away from me to new friends...i guess i will always rmb that....the first week of degree, you really make me feel like i am in hell...yupe, suffering and struggling...i really want to stay contact with you...but then is not like last year anymore...when my friends return from the outing, someone told me that they totally understand the feeling i suffered when i am in the foundation group...ya, i guess you never change much ya...juz change to someone really different from last year....really different...but i think i am also different to you....caus i used to be like that in high school...i dunno why when i am with you, i change and become a different person....i think i m too stupid to did that...the last word for today post is....I M RETURNING!!!

INTERACTION?

So, I woke up late today and missed my class. When I call my friend, they say they are with her group and ask me to come along. When I reach there, they say they are going out with them to Subang. What should I response to such thing? Go? Not go?.. ya, I finally decide I will stay at IMU and just do whatever crape I can. Haha.... what I actually want to achieve?.. I risk myself and sort of argue with her that night and risk myself again to tell my group to unite. When they are uniting, I just cannot make the first move. I JUST CANNOT!!!!  WTH am I actually doing now? ...... when my friend ask me to go out I am like keep repeating MOVE  in my mind....OMG, JUST MOVE!!! But then when I saw her walk passed , I back off...I just back off...I really donna who to do now?...I am the one who encourage my group to unite, but when time come , I just back off... felt so sorry to my friends now, I think they are actually uniting and create some chance for me to go toward her. Sorry, I think I just let them disappointed.  I felt so disappointed to myself too. I keep on promise myself that I will go to her but I think that day will never come, that day will not occur, that day will only appear in the past not now, the day we last talk just end here.


Walk Away
I watch you walk away from me
The tears in my heart start to fall
I ask myself how did we lose it all
For the first time, I had no words to you
For the first time, I am confuse to you
For the first time, I do not know what am I doing
I cling to old memories
And I watch you walk away
Maybe I just don't want to let us walk away
Walk to separate direction
But inside I know I must
As the situation don't allow
My heart's whimpering with pain
To watch you walk away
But it's my mind I trust
Sometimes, there's confusion around me
Sometimes, there's a pain in my heart
Sometimes, there's numbness in my feeling
But looking you walk away
I just fell apart
If only I could handle it
And bear to just say
Will I use my breath and say
Don't walk away???